Since the age of 4, I thought I knew what my dreams were. I was this bright young girl with visions of being on a stage and performing in front of millions. I studied dance when I was 4. Played piano at 8 and played the flute in a marching band at 12. My room was covered with pictures or models and I started designing clothes in 1991. I would walk up and down my room with the strobe light on pretending I was walking the runway. Everyone made fun of me but I never gave up and always thought that I was special. Come to find out that as you get older, you question your dreams. I know what I want but I am afraid that if I reach my goals that I will not know what to do with them. I went even to the extreme of having plastic surgery. I was perfectly fine before, but it was something that I wanted so bad; I could taste it. I have been pursuing music for over 10 years, with some success but not enough. I keep trying and trying but nothing. I don't want to give up, but if people are not drawn to me, I cannot force them into it. I love taking pictures and writing. I have books upon books of poems, lyrics and random thoughts. I have the craziest dreams that could become feature films. Where do I draw the line; how do I decide? What path do I choose? Which is the right one? I have created a 5 year plan but it is going to end in a year. I feel so lost at times and do not know which way to turn. I sit in my apartment all alone and try to figure things out. If I accomplish everything that I set out in life, I worry that I will still feel alone. Life is funny sometimes. You can have everything you want in the world, but if you have no one to share it with, then it doesn't feel complete.
